英国段子手爆笑吐槽

1.
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

自从我听说“人还是死于天然原因者居多”之后，我就再也不敢拼命吃天然食品了。

2.Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing aweed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it.
If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

园艺定律：区分益草和害草的办法是，拔出来试试--如果很容易拔掉，就证明它是益草。

3.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

如果放在家里的东西找不回来，最容易的办法就是去买个新的回来。

4.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

你是否注意到，这年头，自从有了数码摄录机，就再也没人象以前那样老是说不明飞行物的事情了。

5.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

不慎的时候只要一根火柴就足以引发森林大火，而想点燃一堆篝火却 整整一盒火柴，真纳闷。

6.Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

不知道是谁第一个看见母牛，就敢说：“我要使劲挤一挤那两排倒吊着的玩意儿，流出来的是啥俺就喝啥”?

7.
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."


不知道是谁第一个看见母鸡，就敢说：“看见那只鸡没有？我就等着吃从它屁股里面滚出来的东西。”

8.
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

胶水为啥就不会粘在胶水瓶里面啊？

9.
在希腊的某条路上行走的时候你会多次遇到这样的站牌，上面写着警告语：在海岸公路停车是会被咬死。天啊噜。

And you might get more than you bargain for on this Greek road, where a sign warns: “Parking is for bitten along the coastal road。” Ouch。

10.
自驾游总是会被各种标识误导，天知道你会被引导到哪去。可是坐火车也好不到哪去，中国的火车厕所里总有这样一 话：当火车在马厩里的时候，请不要用厕所。那么马睡在哪里。

Though driving has its pitfalls, things don’t get much better on the trains.
A notice on a toilet in China reads: “Do not use toilet while train is in stable。” Where do the horses sleep, then?

11.
在利比亚的Monrovia，不要觉得 是成年人就可以乱吸烟，因为那里总会有这样的提示语：请变成小盆友，再使用烟灰缸。

Don’t think about smoking if you are a fully fledged adult travelling in Monrovia, Liberia.
There, a notice reads: “Dear passengers, please be tiny when using ashtrays。”

12.
在中国机场，你可能在托运行李的时候会遇到一点痛苦，咱们把行李托运处叫做“Luggage disembowel”算了我们为了保护我们的内部器官，还是手提行李吧。

And at a Chinese airport you may be in for somthing painful at the baggage drop.
They call it: “Luggage disembowel。” It may well be better to keep your internal organs and take hand luggage – just to be on the safe side。

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