司局长梦走黄泉路
1500
大年夜里,司局长喝罢酒,吃罢饭,就昏昏糊糊地睡下了。
可躺下以后,他却想到应该去给黄县长拜个早年才对,于是又恍恍惚惚地爬了起来。
给县长拜年自然不能空着手去,必须拿点什么才行。
拿什么呢?拿烟拿酒都已过时,拿电器又太笨重,现在最流行的方式就是拿钱。
而拿钱的最好方式是拿存折。
现在人们都学聪敏了,存款不用姓名只用密码,只要有了密码,存折上的钱谁都可以取。
司局长这样一想,就让妻子找存折。
妻子打开写字台的抽屉,就拿出了一沓子存折来。
妻子问司局长准备拿多大的存折,司局长说拿个二三十万就行了。
可妻子找了半天,就是找不到二三十万的存折。
拿出一张一看,是一百万的;再拿出一张一看,是两百万的。
一连拿出七八张,都是一百万以上的大存折,根本就没有二三十万的小存折。
司局长等急了,不管三七二十一就从妻子手里抽了一张拿着就走。
妻子抢过去一看,原来是一张五十万的存折!
“五十万就五十万!”司局长说,“留得青山在,不怕没柴烧。
今天送出去五十万,说不定明天拿回来五百万、五千万。
一本万利,何乐而不为?”
司局长怀揣存折,就向门口走去。
可刚走到门口,就被两个人拦住了去路。
那两个人一个黑脸,一个白脸,似曾相识,却不认得。
司局长以为是谁来给他拜年的,就笑嘻嘻地说:“拜年就请到屋里坐,何必站在门口呢?”
那两个人也不说话,一抖手,一条铁链就套住了司局长的脖子。
司局长久经沙场,并不惊惧,立即大声喝道:“你二人好大的胆子,竟敢在大年夜里绑架人质!赶快放了我,否则,我就要打110了!”
“放你?”黑脸嘿嘿一阵冷笑,“你司东喜阳寿已满,我们黑白无常奉阎王之命专程来捉拿你去冥司接受审判!”
“妈妈吔,要死了!”司局长顿时吓得冷汗直流,忙跪倒在地磕起头来,“我才四十来岁,还有那么些钱没花完,怎么就要死了呢?肯定是你们搞错了!”
“胡说!”白无常喝道,“生死簿子上写得明明白白,司东喜四十一岁寿终,怎么会错呢?”
“哎呀,我给你们钱,你们就放我一马吧!”司局长马上从身上掏出那张五十万块钱的存折递过去说,“如果你们放了我,我就给你们五百万。
这是五十万快钱的定金,事成之后,再给你们四百五十万。
”
“到现在你还想行贿呀?”黑无常又冷笑一声说,“命用钱是买不来的,还是乖乖地跟我们走吧!”
黑白无常不由分说,拉着司局长就走。
司局长见求生已经无望,就一边挣扎一边说:“既然你们要我死,那总该让我回家跟妻子道个别吧?”
“跟妻子道别?”白无常哈哈笑了起来,“没想到你要死了还这么痴情!可你回头看看,你的家呢?你的妻子呢?”
司局长回头一看,处处都是衰草,处处都是荒丘,哪里还有家的影子?只有远处的一座住宅里灯火通明,妻子正躺在一个年轻男人的怀里“咯咯咯”地笑着。
司局长立时气得咬牙切齿,狠狠说道:“娼妇!淫妇!如果我还活着,我一定要让你死无葬身之地!”
“走吧,别发狠了。
”黑无常把司局长推了一把说,“你都能把别的女人搂在怀里百般凌辱,难道别的男人就不能把你的女人搂在怀里亲热吗?何况你的妻子并不是贞妇烈女,她已经先后跟七个男人睡了觉,只是你不知道罢了。
现在她见你已死,所以就忙不迭地跟了别的男人。
你也别生气了,你不是常说,女人就像抹布子,随时都可以换新的吗?”
司局长想想,自己的确说过那样的话,也的确是那样认为的,所以也就不生气了。
何况自己已经走上了黄泉路,生气又有什么用呢?
阴风惨惨,黑雾漫漫。
脚下有路又无路,无路又有路。
天上无光又有光,有光又无光。
一切都是昏昏沉沉,一切都是那么陌生。
好像被谁操纵着,完全没有了自主能力。
有时候好像在地上走,有时又好像在空中飞,时起时落,飘飘荡荡,给人一种似有似无、似真似幻的感觉。
想起在阳间要风得风、要雨得雨、左手画方、右手画圆、左右逢源、安闲自在的日子,再看看眼前无天无地、没明没夜、昏昏暗暗、凄凄切切的境况,司局长又不由得大哭了起来。
不知道怎么就来到了一座茅屋前,司局长刚想说休息一下,却见一女人拦住了去路。
司局长定睛一看,原来拦路的女人不是别人,正是他包养的情妇柳云媚。
柳云媚是他最宠爱的情妇之一,长得柳眉凤眼,粉脸红唇,恰似西施投胎,貂蝉转世,一颦一笑都格外销魂,每逢心情不愉快的时候,他都要到柳云媚那里去住一宿。
此刻,他见柳云媚拦在面前,就立即忘记了自己已不在人世,也立即忘记了黑白无常就在身边,竟一个饿狗抢屎扑上去就抱住柳云媚说:“我的亲亲,我的乖乖,你跑哪去了?真想死我了啊!”
柳云媚并不答话,一瞬间就变了脸色。
柳眉凤眼不见了,粉脸红唇也不见了,站在他面前的竟是一架没有血肉而又狰狞可怖的骨头。
只见那架骨头用上颚和下颚碰撞着说:“司东喜,你还我命来!你把我玩弄了十几年我想你要一套房子不过分吧?可你不但不给我房子,还请人用车撞死了我!你还我命来!你还我命来!……”
司局长吓得战战兢兢,马上就想起了这件事。
可就在他要向柳云媚赔礼道歉的时候,柳云媚却不见了,站在他面前的竟是他原来请的保姆吴嫂和她的女儿倩倩。
吴嫂一改过去那种慈眉善目的神态,咬牙切齿地说:“司东喜,你好狠毒啊!你有那么多的女人、那么多的情人还不满足,竟还强奸了我十六岁的女儿倩倩。
害得我倩倩悬梁自尽,害得我全家家破人亡!今天,这个仇我非报上不可!倩倩,上!先把他的下身给我割了!再把他的心脏给我挖了……”
吴嫂说着,就和倩倩一起扑了上来。
吴嫂伸着一双尖利的爪子抓向了他的下身,倩倩伸着一双尖利的爪子抓向了他的胸口。
司局长吓得魂飞魄散,忙大叫道:“黑白无常,快来救我啊……”
黑白无常见状,就向吴嫂母女挥了挥手。
也不知道是怎么回事,吴嫂母女一瞬间就飘飘荡荡地不见了踪影。
司局长刚松了一口气,却见云天建筑总裁彭宇又拦住了去路。
彭宇抢步上前,一把就抓住司局长的领口说:“司东喜,你好黑心啊!一个亿的大桥工程你就拿走了一千万,害得我把大桥建成了“豆腐渣”工程吃了枪子儿。
今天,我非把你撕碎不可……”
黑白无常见沿路都有找司局长算账的恶鬼,就连忙腾空而起,直接把司局长领进了阎王殿。
阎王一见司局长,就拍案大怒道:“司东喜,你在阳世间欺男霸女、欺上瞒下、行贿受贿、恶贯满盈,马上就会东窗事发。
让你就这样死了,真是太便宜你了。
你罪该凶死,不得善终。
现在,我让黑白无常仍然把你送回人间,让人间的正义之神先审判你吧!”
黑白无常得令,就又拉着司局长往转走。
司局长抬头一看,却不是来路。
正想发问,却来到了一处深涧边。
一挂黑色的瀑布从崖头飞流直下,跌进万仞之下的深潭里嗡嗡作响。
他心里发毛、不想细看,刚想离开涧边,却不想黑无常突然飞起一脚就踢到了他的屁股上。
他躲避不及,一个跟头就坠下了无底深渊……
他吓得“哎呀”一声大叫,遽然就醒了过来。
见妻子正在他的身边呼呼大睡,这才明白自己刚才做了一个噩梦。
但柳云媚、吴嫂、倩倩、彭宇等人拦路讨命的形象都历历在目,阎王刚才说的话也不停地在耳边回响。
他愣怔了一下,就爬起身来,打开写字台的抽屉,把一抽屉的存折都抱了出来。
然后,就看着那些存折傻笑起来。
当他妻子醒来的时候,他还在那里傻笑。
但笑了一阵却又哭了,哭一阵却又笑了,完全没有了平日里的那种局长的样子。
妻子以为司局长是睡梦魔了,就用手去推司局长。
谁知刚一推,司局长就扔了那些存折,一边哭一边笑地跑了出去。
妻子连忙赶出去,却见司局长正趴在地上嚎啕大哭,一边哭还一边搧自己的耳光。
妻子这才明白,司局长已经疯了。
Introduce:In lunar New Year's Eve, department director drinks wine, eat a meal, faint to paper burnt ground to sleep.
After can laying down, he thinks of to should do obeisance to an one's early years to just be opposite to yellow head of a county however, climbed absentmindedly again then.
To the head of a county greeting nature cannot begin to go for nothing, what must take to just go.
What to take? Take smoke to take wine already outdated, take electric equipment too cumbersome, the most popular now way takes money namely.
And the best kind that takes money is to take deposit book.
People learns sagacity now, deposit need not the full name uses a code only, wanted to have a code only, everybody can take the money on bankbook.
Manage the director thinks so, let a wife look for bankbook.
The wife opens the drawer of the desk, took out one crowded child bankbook comes.
The wife asks department the director prepares to take how old deposit book, department director says to take 2289 went.
But the wife searched a long time, cannot find the deposit book of 2289 namely.
Take out a piece to look, be million; Take out a piece to look again, be of 2 million.
In succession takes out 78 pieces, it is the big deposit book of million above, do not have the little deposit book of 2289 at all.
Department director urgent, without giving thought to thirty-seven thousand one hundred and ninety-one smoked a piece to be being taken from wife hand go.
The wife grabs the past to look, it is a piece of bankbook of 500 thousand so! "500 thousand with respect to 500 thousand! " department director says, "Stay so that green hill is in, do not be afraid of do not have bavin to burn.
Send out today 500 thousand, perhaps recapture will come tomorrow 5 million, 50 million.
Make big profits with a small capital, what is there against it? " department director bosom puts deposit book, go to the doorway.
Just can take an entrance, was blocked by two people outlet.
Those two people a black face, a villain, be like ever was acquainted, however not know.
Who will to him wish department director thinks a Happy New Year, say with respect to grinning ground: "Pay a New Year call to sit in house please, stand in the doorway why? " those two people also do not talk, shake a hand, an iron chain with respect to ring the neck of department director.
Department director is long classics battlefield, not Jing dread, drink aloud instantly: "Courage of your 2 people whacker, have the impertinence to do sth kidnaps in lunar New Year's Eve hostage! Put me at once, otherwise, I am about to hit 110! " " put you? " black face hey hey sneer one blast, "Yang Shou of your Si Dongxi is full already, we are black and white and fugacious the lot that gives an extremely cruel and violent person comes on a special trip you go to arrest dark department accepts judgement! " " mom , wanted to die! " department director is frightened so that cold sweat flows continuously immediately, busy grovel comes at first in ground knock, "I just 40 come year old, so much money has not been spent, how be about to die? It is you made a mistake for certain! " " bullshit! " without tipple in vain, "Write on book of life and death obviously for nothing, si Dongxi 41 years old of birthday eventually, how is the meeting wrong? " " alas, I give you money, you put me one horse! 8998