经典英语脱口秀台词

Hi, everybody.
Hi! So I don't have too much time up here, before my green card expires.
See I grew up in a poor neighborhood in China.
The middle school that I went to one year decided to pave the dirt roads with bricks and cement.
And the students were required to bring bricks to school and ...We worked really hard for 3 weeks and finally we built a road.
Years later, I heard about the term: child labor.
I was like, what?! Those kids got paid?!

嗨，大家好啊！那个……我能表演的 不多，因为我绿卡马上要过期了。我是在中国的穷乡僻壤长大的。我们 某年突然决定要修整土路，铺上砖头和水泥，让 们带砖头到学校来……我们玩命地干了三个礼拜终于把路修好了。多年以后我听说了这个词：童工。我立马就惊讶了，啥?!那些小孩干活还有钱拿?

I got a D minus.
But I read that younger kids nowadays can't even read the analog watches any more.
They can only read the digital ones.
I was like, how are they gonna report the locations of hot chicks in the future? It's gonna be like, Hot chick, 3 o'clock.
I can't stay that long.

我拿到的只是D-。我看报道，如今的小孩都不会看手表了。他们只能看懂电子表。我心想，等他们长大以后该如何报告辣妹的位置啊?别人说，“辣妹在三点钟 ”。我不能待那么久的。

So I came to the US for college and I was really into science, which really helped me in the romance department.
Like once I asked this girl out and she said, no.
I said, are you sure? And she said to me, hey Joe, NO means NO.
I said, well...
it also means Nitric Oxide.

我来美国是读大学，我很 科学，这对我的感情 也大有裨益。有一次，我来美国是读大学，我很喜欢科学，这对我的感情生活也大有裨益。有一次，我约 子出去，她说不行。我问，真不行啊?她说，嘿，Joe，NO就是不行的意思。我说，NO也是一氧化氮啊。

And one year, I went to New Orleans for Mardi Gras.
Here's something you guys should know about me.
I don't approve of nudity in public.
But when it happens, I want to be there.

有一年，我去新奥尔良参加狂欢节。
对于我，你们要了解一点，我是不赞同公共场合赤身裸体的。不过要是真有人这么干了，那我不能错过啊。

And when I first came to the United States, I took a English as a second language class.
And the teacher there was too lazy to remember the students' names.
So he just handed out a list of American names for us to choose from.
And by the time I got the list, there were only two names left, so I just picked Joe instead of Jake.
And the other day, I told that story to my son, Jake.

我初到美国时，参加了英语培训课程。我们老师特别懒，记不住学生名字。于是他就给了我们一张美国名字表，让我们选名字。等我拿到表时，只剩下俩名字了，所以我就选了Joe。我选了Joe，另一个是Jake。有一天，我把这 讲给我儿子听，他叫Jake。

So my son is four years old now.
But he still has a lot of growing-up to do.
Sometimes I look at my son, I was like, wow, this gentleman contributes nothing to society.
And I have to pretend that I'm impressed by everything he does.
I was like, wow, you walked half a block by yourself? That's amazing! But in the back of my mind, I was like, big deal! When I was a kid, I built a road!

我儿子现在四岁，不过，他还远远不够成熟。有时，我看着儿子心想，哇哦，这小伙子对社会一点贡献都没有。但我还得装作他所作的事都很了不起。我说，哇哦，你 走了半个街区?太棒了!其实我心想，这算啥啊! 小时候修了条路!