英语简单笑话精选

1：一场特殊的足球比赛

Mike was late for school.
He said to his teacher, Mr.
Black, "Excuse me for my coming late, sir.
I watched a football match in my dream."


"Why did it make you late?" inquired the teacher.

"Because neither team could win the game, so it lasted a long time."
replied Mike.

麦克上学迟到了。他对布莱克老师说：“对不起，老师，今天早上我迟到了。因为我在梦里观看了一场球赛。”

“为什么它会让你迟到呢?”老师问道。

“因为这两个队都没有能力获胜，所以就持续的 长了。”麦克回答说。

2：Reason of Punishment 惩罚的原因

One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do.

The mother exclaimed, But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?

The little girl replied, My homework.

一天，小 从学校回到家里，对妈妈说：妈妈，今天在学校里我因为一件我没有做的事情而受到惩罚。

妈妈激动地说：那真是太可怕了!我要跟你的老师好好谈一谈，对了，你没有做过的那件事是什么?

小女孩回答说：我的 作业。

3：Boy, Oh Boy 让人无奈的

When they're together, my five-year-old son and his cousin tend to cause mayhem.
one Saturday, I put my foot down.
"All right, you two," I said sternly.
"No screaming , grabbing, whining, hitting, teasing, tattling, breaking toys, scratching or fighting."


As I turned to leave, I heard my son say, "C'mon, Steven, let's get dirty .
"

我五岁的儿子和他的表弟在一起的时候，总要招来大乱。一个星期六，我开始抗议了。“好啦，你们两个，”我严厉地说，“不许叫喊，不许乱拿，不许哭闹，不许乱敲，不许取笑，不许扯淡，不许弄坏玩具，不许乱抓，不许打架。” 我刚转身要走，就听我儿子说：“来，斯蒂文，我们来把 弄脏吧。”

4：Does He Bite 它咬人吗

Reggie: We have got a new dog.
Would you like to come around and play with him?

Ron: Well, I don't know---does he bite?

Reggie: That's what I want to find out.

里基：我们又得到了一条新狗，你愿意过来和他玩一会吗?

罗恩：嗯，我不知道----它咬人吗?

里基：这正是我想要查明的。

5：To Buy a Video 买录像机

Amos asked his mother whether they could have a video.

I’m afraid we can’t afford one, sighed his mother.

But on the following day in came Amos, staggering beneath the weight of a brand-new video.

How on earth did you pay for that? gasped his mother.

Easy, Mum.
replied Amos, I sold the television!

艾莫斯问妈妈他们是否能买一台录像机。

恐怕我们还买不起，妈妈叹息着说。

可第二天当艾莫斯回来时，他摇摇晃晃地搬着一台全新的录像机。

你究竟是哪儿来的钱买这东西?妈妈大吃一惊，喘着气说。

妈妈，这简单， 艾曼斯回答。我把电视机给卖了!

6：A Gentle Reminder委婉提醒

Having been married a long time, my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion.
On the morning of our 35th anniversary, we were sitting at the breakfast table when I hinted, "Honey, do you realize that we've been sitting in these same two seats for exactly 35 years?"

Putting down the newspaper, he looked straight at me and said, "So, you want to switch seats?"

婚后已久，我丈夫往往在一个特别事情上 委婉的提醒。在我们结婚35周年纪念的早上，我们正坐在早餐桌旁，我暗示道：“亲爱的，你意识到我们在这两个相同的座位上已坐了整整35年了吗?”

他放下报纸，眼睛直直地望着我：“因此，你想交换座位吗?”

7：Two Pieces of Cake 两块蛋糕

Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?

Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!

汤姆：妈妈，我可以吃两块蛋糕吗?

妈妈：当然可以----拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧

简单 ：How to Become Rich 如何致富

Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you don't give me a nickel I'll tell my father.Sister's boyfriend: No, don't do that.
Here's a nickel.Little brother: That makes a buck and a quarter I've made this month.

弟弟：我看见你亲我姐姐了，如果你不给我五分钱，我就告诉我爸。姐姐的男 ：不要那样做。给你五分钱。弟弟：我这个月已经赚了一块两毛五了。

8：Birthday

Professor: When is your birthday?

Kid: May 30.

Professor: Which year?

Kid: Every year.

教授：你的生日是什么时候?

孩子：5月30日。

教授：哪一年?

孩子：每年都是。

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