会魂不散
3970
乔局长突然心肌梗塞,“死在了战斗岗位上”。
全局上下都松了一口气——终于可以免受开会之苦了。
乔局长生前是个众所周知的会迷,不仅自己喜欢参加各种各样的会议,在局里,不管大事小事,他都喜欢“开会研讨”。
上头有指示开个传达会、局里有情况开个汇报会;周有周会、日有晨会;甚至有时在局里食堂吃饭,有什么事让他心血来潮,他也会搞个突击的午餐会……更要命的是,每次开会,他都要求全体参加,无故不到者扣奖金,搞得全局上下苦不堪言。
上头来个关于精简会议的文件,他开一个会传达,最后也不忘了说:“大家对这个文件有什么想法,回家总结后明天再开个会,每个人都汇报一下。
”
这下好了,大家都说,乔局长终于到阎王爷那里开会去了,但愿新来的局长跟他不一样。
乔局长的追悼会在局里的大礼堂进行。
众人望着他的照片,听着第一副局长作悲哀状念着乔局长的生平,仿佛觉得,乔局长还在给他们作报告。
那天晚上十二点钟左右,在门房睡觉的门卫老冯忽然被一阵奇怪的劈里啪啦声惊醒。
他哆嗦着起了床,打开灯,到院子里巡视一番,四周静悄悄地。
他以为是自己听错了,刚想回床上去,忽听得又是一阵劈里啪啦的声音传来——仔细一听,像是零零落落的掌声!
老冯被吓出了一身冷汗,他再听了一下,掌声是从大礼堂的方向传来的,莫非有鬼?老冯壮着胆子,拿上手电筒向大礼堂走去。
礼堂门锁得好好的。
老冯拿手电筒往里一照——一排排的座位上空空荡荡的,没人呀!手电筒的光一晃,照在了乔局长的大幅遗照上,乔局长仿佛正咧着嘴朝老冯笑!老冯吓了一跳,手电筒也掉在地上。
正在此时,忽听得一个声音说:“老冯同志,欢迎你进来参加我们的会议!其他老同志都发过言了,你对我的生平有什么评价,也进来说一说嘛!”
是乔局长的声音!(鬼怪吧:http:///转载请保留!)
老冯毛骨悚然,手电筒也不要了,撒腿就跑。
进了门房,越想越怕,仿佛那乔局长还追上来要逮他进去开会。
于是他连门房也不敢呆了,锁上门,一溜烟跑回家去。
老伴半夜被老冯吵醒,见他被吓成那个样子,忙问:“怎么回来了,有人抢劫吗?”
老冯惊魂未定,话也说不成句:“比、比抢劫更可怕一万倍!局长、局长要抓我去开会!”
老伴莫名其妙:“局长请你开会是个好事呀!说明他瞧得起你,多少人想开会都没有呢!”
老冯有点光火:“鬼瞧得起我也是好事吗?是那个死去的局长!”
老伴吓了一跳,摸摸老冯的额头:“你没事吧?”
第二天,老冯找到局办公室主任老张:“张主任,我身体越来越不好使,我可能当不了门卫了。
”
“为啥?干得好好的,我们都夸你责任心强呢!”
“我年老体衰,眼睛耳朵都出问题,怕无法再胜任门卫工作了。
”
老张皱了皱眉:“老冯,咱也算十几年的老同事了,有什么困难你就说吧!”
老冯想了想,说:“张主任,我说了你也不信……”
“唉,说吧,你别搞得这么神秘好不好?”
“我、我昨儿晚上,又听到、听到乔局长在礼堂里开会呢!”
老张无奈地笑了一下说:“老冯,你要是真不想干了,也别用这种无稽之谈来作理由好不好?”
老冯叹了口气:“张主任,你晚上能不能到局里来一下?”
老张愣了一下,见老冯害怕的样子,摇了摇头:“好吧老冯,我晚上争取过来一下。
”
晚上十点钟左右,老冯正在门卫室里喝茶,张主任还真来了。
老冯说:“先别声张,等会儿你就知道了。
”
两人便干坐着。
十点站左右,一点动静都没有。
老张不耐烦地说:“老冯,不行,我还有事,我得走了。
”话没说完,老冯忽然说:“嘘,静一静——”两人凝神谛听,果然,礼堂那边又传来了一阵零零落落的掌声!老冯说:“张主任,有没胆量跟我去一听究竟?”老张硬着头皮说:“去就去,我就不信乔局长会吃了我!”
两人蹑手蹑脚地走到了礼堂门外,只听得乔局长的声音在里面嗡嗡作响:“同志们,大家生前不太遵守会议纪律,现在也不能太拖拖拉拉。
说好戌时开会,到现在亥时了,你们看看,到会者还不到50%!一点组织纪律性都没有,像什么样子嘛!”
两人朝里一望,阴森森的礼堂里什么也没有!
又听得乔局长说:“同志们,我们今天重点要讨论的是能上能下的问题,一句话总结,就是‘不以人喜、不以鬼悲’。
我知道,同志们心里有想法,其实我也跟大家一样,谁不想万寿无疆?谁愿意做鬼?可是大家也应该想一想,如果人长生不死,那人间早在很久以前就人口爆炸了!所以我们要提倡奉献精神,让一部分鬼先活起来!”
又是一阵零零落落的掌声。
张主任双腿发软,正想离开,忽听得乔局长的声音说:“老张啊,你就别躲了,对这个问题,你有什么看法,也可以提嘛!”
张主任用尽吃奶力气,撒腿就跑,老冯跟在后面。
两人一口气跑出大街好几百米,实在跑不动了才气喘吁吁地停下来。
张主任说:“老冯,这乔局长阴魂不散,岂不是对将上任的新局长大为不利,怎么办?”老冯问:“张主任,这事要不要告诉新局长?”“不行,要是局里人心大乱,对工作有很大的负面影响。
老冯,你是本地人,有没有一些能安魂的法师什么的?”老冯说:“有是有,就是怕影响不好啊!”“没问题,这事由你操办,该花的钱局里出,有啥负面影响我来摆平。
”
翌日,老冯出了城,找到一个据说道行高深的“半仙”。
“半仙”说:“这人哪,阴魂不散,主要是生前太执着于某些东西,死后割舍不下所致。
你们乔局长生前最喜欢什么?”老冯说:“当然是开会了,一天开几次会议都不过瘾。
”“这就对了,肯定是他在阴间没过足开会的瘾,魂魄才逗留在局里。
要安魂倒也不难,只须满足他的欲望,七天之后就没事了。
”
老冯遵“半仙”所嘱,向老张申领了经费,请某画家画了一幅“开会图”。
画上是一个宽敞无比的装修豪华的化大会场,几千人的座位坐得满满的,人人正襟危坐,认真听讲。
主席台上位子空着,当然是给乔局长留着的。
老冯还请纸匠师傅扎了两把麦克风、一个大茶杯。
几天后,老冯带着这些东西,到了革命公墓,偷偷在乔局长墓前烧了。
接下来的两个晚上,局里风平浪静。
老冯跟老张暗自庆幸。
第三天晚上,老冯刚入睡,便做了一个梦。
梦里,他走进了一个宽敞豪华的大会场,会场里座无虚席。
乔局长正在台上讲话,会场里不停响起阵阵雷鸣般的掌声。
可是,讲着讲着,乔局长卡壳了,愣在那里,不知讲什么好,脸越憋越红。
会场里的人以为局长讲完了,纷纷作鸟兽散。
老冯正想走出会场,被乔局长发现了。
乔局长叫住他:“老冯,你们既然为我建一个这么大的会场,可为什么不再发给我一些讲稿呢?这不是明摆着让我丢人吗?告诉老张,赶快让秘书写一些讲稿来,不然我跟你们没完!”老冯醒过来,吓出了一身冷汗。
隔天,老冯见到老张,正要开口,老张说:“我昨晚梦见乔局长了,他跟我要讲稿,我现在已叫秘书把一年里所有大小节日、各种主题会议的讲稿都打印出来,麻烦你再悄悄烧给他吧。
”
老冯遵嘱而行。
从此,乔局长的阴魂不再来缠着老冯和老张了,局里平安无事。
不久,上面派来了新局长,上任那天,新局长在会上慷慨激昂地说:“大家都说新官上任三把火,不烧是不行的。
我的第一把火,就是要加强纪律监督,不定期召开各种批评与自我批评会议……”
Introduce:Tall director is abrupt miocardial infarction, "Was in to death on battle station " .
Overall situation loosened up and down at a heat —— can be avoided eventually suffer the pain that attend a meeting.
Tall director is a well-known meeting before one's death fan, not only oneself like to attend various meetings, in the bureau, without giving thought to important matter bagatelle, he likes " attend a meeting delibrate " .
Above has a directive to leave communicate there is a circumstance to open a meeting in meeting, bureau; Meeting, day has Zhou Youzhou morning is met; Have a meal in the dining room in the bureau sometimes even, what thing lets his be seized by a whim, the lunch that he also can get a do a crash job is met …… is awfuller is, attend a meeting every time, he asks collectivity attends, the person that without reason is less than deducts bonus, do so that next suffering on overall situation can't bear character.
Above comes a file about cutting the conference, he attends a meeting to communicate, also did not forget to say finally: "Everybody has what idea to this file, after summary coming home tomorrow reopen meeting, everybody is reported.
" this has fallen, everybody says, tall director attends a meeting there Hades father eventually, I wish newcome director follows him different.
The memorial meeting of tall director undertakes in the hall in the bureau.
Everybody is looking at his photograph, listening to the first deputy director general to make sad state studying the life of tall director, as if feel, tall director still is making a report to them.
Controlled at 12 o'clock in the evening that day, in the entrance guard that gatehouse sleeps old Feng is broken off strangely by suddenly li of bang sound sleeps lightly.
His shiver is worn had a bed, turn on the lamp, in the courtyard perambulatory, all around soundless ground.
He thinks is him mishear, just thought a bed, listening suddenly is one breaks off li of bang sound transmits —— to listen carefully, resembling is 0 fall falling applause! Laofeng was frightened to give a suit cold sweat, his rehear, applause is transmitted from the direction of hall, is it possible that there is sth fishy? Laofeng is strong courage, take begin flashlight to go to hall.
Auditorium door lock is gotten well.
Flashlight of old Feng expert is gone to in in the sky take the place that —— discharges one row deserted, nobody! The smooth flash of flashlight, be illuminated in tall director offer as a gift considerably according to on, tall director ases if Lie is worn the mouth laughs toward Laofeng! Laofeng was frightened jump, flashlight also is dropped go up.
right now, listen so that a voice says suddenly: "Comrade Laofeng, welcome you to come in the meeting that attends us! Other old pal has delivered speech, you have what opinion to my life, also come in say! " the sound that is tall director! (Phantom: HTtp:/// is reprinted ask reservation! ) Laofeng is creepy, flashlight also did not want, make off at once.
Took the door8343